Global Warming A-Z

I got this idea from the radio, and I promptly set about making my own.

“A” is for Al Gore. An overweight white boy who enjoys backing up his “global warming is real” statements with studies that have in fact concluded the exact opposite.

“B” is for Barbara Streisand. A self-proclaimed expert on weather and how it is related to global warming.

“C” is for carbon dioxide. A gas that, when conserved by global warming advocates, gives them the right to become smug.

“D” is for dollars, which environmentalists insist we give them an unlimited supply of to repair the ozone layer.

“E” is for El Niño, which environmentalists insist is because of global warming, despite the fact that it has been going on since the Jurassic period.

“F” is for fracture in the earth’s crust, or earthquake, which Danny Glover insisted was caused by global warming.

“G” is for global warming advocate. These hippies are renowned for their ability to look down on the rest of mankind for not conserving energy as much as they do.

“H” is for hothouse, which environmentalists insist earth is becoming a giant one of, all because of us big bad humans.

“I” is for India, which environmentalists insist is not contributing to the global warming problem . . . it is the US and the US alone.

“J” is for jelly donut. See “Al Gore” again.

“K” is for king-sized. See “Al Gore” . . . again.

“L” is for looseness, which is the policy environmentalists like to apply to the facts.

“M” is for mania. See “‘Nuff Said.”

“N” is for ‘nuff said. See “Mania.”

“O” is for ozone layer, which environmentalists insist the US is destroying, despite lots of evidence that says otherwise.

“P” is for persistence. Environmentalists utilize this by repeatedly ignoring the facts and telling you that they are right.

“Q” is for quack. See “Al Gore” yet again.

“R” is for regulations on absolutely everything, which environmentalists insist will solve the global warming “problem.”

“S” is for server, which was hacked and caused Climategate.

“T” is for transform, which is what environmentalists did with their theory when it was proved wrong. See, in the ‘60s, they were worried about a new ice age, and now they’re worried about the earth heating up. Hmm.

“U” is for underwater, which is where environmentalists insist New York will be in two years unless we give them a kajillion dollars.

“V” is for vested interests, which environmentalists have in global warming and grants them the mysterious ability to become rich off of global warming.

“W, X, Y, and Z” are simply the only letters I was unable to think of terms for.

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